Fear of Facebook Revealed

Okay, time to explain why I'm blogging not subscribing to Facebook. There is something about Facebook that keeps me from jumping in. While I've had discussions with many of you about the whys and why nots of using the medium, today I actually had an experience that helps me identify more of why I hesitate to take the leap.
I was writing (on paper) as I do every morning and recalling an experience I had in high school. When I finished writing about it, I had the urge to go find a person that was involved in my story by looking them up on Google. I found that person's Facebook profile, saw a picture of them, and whew--it was like I was hurled back into my senior year. A weird familiarity with that person on the other end that I was looking at but that they could not feel because they had no idea that I was looking straight into their eyes into this picture. I was invading their privacy. And yet, they put themselves out there for everyone to see. It's interesting because when you are creating something for a blog or Facebook page you have a positive feeling, right? You're sharing a bit of yourself, telling the world how you feel, showing them something you love or feel passionate about. A proud sense of "ME". But to feel an almost weird, negative sense of "I'm invading someone else's space and they don't even know it" is strange to me.
I guess most everyone has felt this at some point. And most people get past it without feeling that Catholic guilt that I'm experiencing. Okay, truth be told, it was an old boyfriend. I'll have to keep the rest to myself and write about it somewhere else, or maybe if you see me in person you can ask me. Alas, the other strange thing about this experience was the flood of emotion I felt. A sadness because so much time had lapsed since I last saw this person which is funny because the last time I saw him I never wanted to see him again. Also, I have experienced a lifetime of living and I became curious about his experiences so there was an immediate temptation to contact him. Then, guilt. "Why would I do that?" I'm perfectly satified with my life and really don't have any interest in reliving that part of it. The internet has made it so easy to connect to a moment in the past. My experience was a memory, not a particularly wonderful one, not a bad one, but just a memory that was part of my history. And now it has returned, with a picture and a face that has the same memory as me because they were are the same place and time.
I love that Facebook connects so many people knowingly, don't get me wrong. My kids are connected with many of you, their family, great friends, etc. I'm certain my hesitation is just me overthinking and being neurotic. But for some reason, I feel just a bit safer over here on my blog. So those of you who have asked me to join Facebook, be patient. I'm critical, cynical, private, and often refuse to conform. But I have also been known to give into peer pressure and in the end will probably become your "friend" because of the community you've created.